Yesterday, i got a lot of thinking coming out from my mind... Keep asking and asking why will broke out.... After that, another Questions coming out which is who's coming out with min chea, who is gonna replace me in accompanying her... when she answer go out with friends... i was wondering that the friends she mentions are all boys or gals, resulting in losing my soul in my body...I know that keep thinking the nonsense wont makes me feel better... So i decided to do some paperwork to keep myself busy... Surprisingly, i done folding 500s browsers in an hour time... I remember when i first come to work i use about 1 week to complete the folding and now... 1 hour is almost unbelievable... Well, that was nothing to be proud of...i felt like she was trying to stay away from me... Turning in big disappointment...
Finally, i know the pain all the time she had when she together with me... all the pains... Unable to find people accompany at the time she needs me, unable to get bless from my parents, unable to accept such a boyfriend without giving the warm, safe feeling she wants, unable to accept a boyfriend who have lots of bad habits, and at last a boyfriend who don't really care about her feeling of what she wants me to react...
I know that i was a students with all the works, pressure from studies and etc + relationships just only allowing me to allocates the time properly... With the part timer salary, with just only a SPM certificate, without anything to promise her ever ever after... i know that i really really cant afford to lose her...When she wanted to go China for few Years... The fear of losing her is approaching me... I always trying to act tough when talking to her... I making myself think positively because i have no reason to ask her permission to stay... no without capability of taking care of her... All my hope is to pray for our relationship...In the end, she fed up in me and letting go the relationship she promises... I really hope that in the near future, God will grant us a chance to get back our love...I hope that she will wait for me, as i promises her to love her until i finish my degree in UK. Although to her, this promises is already pointless but i really ... really... extremely....in love with her... although she thinks that she is a bad girl... but that wont be stopping her from getting good man... For me, only her personality that can makes me feel happy.. makes me feel warm... She loves to spend money, and i really enjoy spending with her... She likes to eat sushi, and i beginning to like sushi as well, she love coquetry, and that makes me feel happy when i together with her...
Today, i woke up to work in morning shift. when having my breakfast, the scenery of broke out with min chea in phone... Keep repeating in my mind... the sound, the tone, the voice i can remember it clearly... Truly heart breaking... My soul crying out from me... However, a past is a past... i already tried my very best to save my relationship... She did not even consider giving me chance... That's all i can do for her, pray for her...happy ,enjoy without my existence. But i will really really waiting for her to find me... When she feel lonely, i truly hope that she will thinks of me and thus find me... i will always be there...
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