Now, back at hometown... It's really great to see my mother, father and my families... Well, for a few days at least. Those familiar dialect from other home town ppl, Irresistable food... That is just for a few days.
Deep inside, when the night is high, I cant sleep. Insomnia i suppose. The habits now is getting extraordinary tired from 8 to 12. Then become unusually active from 1am onwards.... Oh boy~ I mess up my time >_<
So what's the reason's behind??
Partly is because of my FYP. Mainly is because of this loneliness feeling. I fell for someone. For year i guess. I like everything about her. She's active, friendly, responsible, cute(for me), always going for outstations.... But recently, she's way too over the limits~~ For days i feel very very down, for the relationship status~ Couple of days later, changed from in a relationship to In a Relationship with XXXXX. It triple up my heart brokens. I know that it is almost impossible to have that relationship with Mr X, since we still have our regular msn chat. But not that frequent. I decided to uncover the fact. To my horror, they are playing... X simply send the invitation to her for the purpose to dare her and she accept it without second thought. There goes the truth. They are not couple but you see rumour when get spread too far, it became real for the others to think. They even 假戏演到底. I wish to could tell u my feeling but i cant.
Things gotten worse when i back hometown until now, i haven't meet my old fellows. They been busy. Some i don't even know where they are now. It's like meaningless to get back home. No ones to meets, no peoples to share those topics. Usually ppls say that human's heart are 犯贱. It's true. The more i expect, the more letdown i receive. And because of that my heart are not satisfied yet to start my FYP. Before i sleep back then, my mind struggle for what kind of satisfaction i must have in order for my heart willing to do the FYP. The time in my house is going too peacefully, i seems to get infected seriously.
In this recent, i always recall back one of the topic that discuss in FM. I forget what FM is that but there's a question asking ppl about, 你觉得单恋 但是失恋比较痛苦？ I asked this question to myself... Personally, these two things are hurt, but in different perspective. Unrequited love(Onesided love) is not as pain as but it will hunt you pretty long.... years... Lovelorn(dissapointment in love affair) on the other hands, is very much painful... It can make you sleepless for month, losing appetite, losing target of life, losing focus, losing yourself etc. These however, if you manage to squeeze out with a remedy(i am not saying vaccine for the lovelorn), you can heal up pretty fast, maybe in a couples of days, weeks. Only the would that left on the heart needs more time to cure.
Since both are pain, why people still want it so badly? For me, those priceless thing require more time than other to acquire. That's for sure. PHD is so high, but in order to gain it the path also double the tough. I like the song sang by Lady antebellum - "Need you now "so much. Among all the lyric i think this suits me most. "Guess i rather hurt than feel nothing at all... " I rather have Unrequited love than feels nothing at all. At least that'll keep my heart beats, make life a little bit meaningful~~ Surely, i always have my ass kick real bad when it comes to relationships.
Share with you a story. There's a University, and a class where the students are part time, have their own families, career and their own business. One day, the professor ask for volunteer to conduct some class examples. A woman stand up and volunteers. Professor asked the woman to list down all the important persons in her life. There she lists. Friends, Parents,Husband, Children, etc... Then the professor asked her to erase 1 list that is least important to her in her life. She took some time, and finally erase the friends. Then Professor asked the woman to do the same steps again, The woman struggle, couples of minutes later she erased Parents... Until there's only 2 choice left, Husband and children. The professor asked the same question again.... Tears rolling from woman eyes. Finally, she erased the Children. The professor asked her : "Why you choose this as your decision?" The woman answered : "There are many important people who step into my life, however, one will slowly leaving you as time passed by. Friends are the best example. You may have 40 classmater as your friend in your primary, but only few will become your good friends. Slowly time passed and they leave you and you have another bunch of friends at differents level. Parents are important, but they'll passed away someday... Children are importants, but they will start over a new family when they grown up and eventually leave you behinds. Only husband that will accompany me to spend the rest of my life together."
To me the moral value of this stories is that choose wisely your partner if you wanna him/her to accompany you for the rest of the life. I missed the day that i have partner... Seriously~ Can't blame me because i had almost 2 years i did not step into the whole relationship stuff. Two is better than one i suppose. It's really hard to find....
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