Downside of the feeling.

Time for another articles... But this time...Not to share about the happy things.. But sad event... I had an exam on monday...Math.. Sadly to say that i will fail that paper... finally, i have this feeling... The fail, dissapointment,sorrow... I continuing blame myself for that... Mayb for the past 14 weeks i aim for pass... Then, my revision is insufficient to bring me to the pass level... I need to spend RM80 for resit next time... Its not something that is happy to share... But then,i really hate to say that i fail for the very first time...Seeing some of my fren here, always use less time study, doing tutorial, but then in the exam he still very stable... Nothing stand in his way... This is the first time i encounter this type of person... No foundation, but extremely high ability to absorb and understand in a very short time... to be more specific, 1 night time... No matter what subject to him he only need 1 night to study... Of course without sleep... And still can do his 200% best in the exam...True, Insane, intellect, intelligence and in his eye, there is no things that is hard... T_T... Y i dont have this ability???

Comparing with him and my 4 flat fren, they study and aim for A... Comparing with them, i have a feeling that i beginning to left behind with everyone else....And i dunno y i cant stop keep comparing with them... I understand that the only enemy is urself... But we need to competition to improve aint I? Obviously i was the one who lagging behind.. Not able to catch up... Everynight before sleep i think about it... Why, Why and Why... Yet... I seek no answer within it... Is it i becoming numb? Stun? or is at my LIMIT?? On Wednesday paper...what i did is not enough as well... That can only lead me to pass rate...But that doesn't bother me anymore... I am exhausted, tired... The last 2 week of exam, i sleep at 5 to 6 am... Some even didn't sleep at all when i have a morning paper... I never have this type of experience before that.. Not in DIPLOMA, NOT in SPM neither PMR...

I thought after my ex gf get rid of me,and also my part time work...I can be more concentrate in the study... However, i am wrong... During my diploma, i'll have at least 5 hour stay in the office every day... That means i have already set my mind to ro revision on that time.... Plus i have my ex gf... accompaning her on saturday.... I have fixed study time with tha environment is good, 1 day for have fun... sense of achievement reached my heart that time... Now, i really really really hate myself for that... hate the environment of study, hate the time management as well...I do not want to back into older time... Juz that i still struggling within the uncomfortable environment...

Now, left 1 more paper tomorrow. EMF and CCT... I should feel happy because of the last subject... But, what to have fun?? After all, i still need to come back continue my 2nd semester, receive the new i fail, my terrible result.... what i can do is to get prepare to receive the news... God bless me in the last subject... After all, i have already receive confident from my fren...She was someone special to me... so please dont waste the confident she gave me....